Cure your iPhone addiction with NoPhone, a useless plastic rectangle.

Never leave home without a chunk of useless plastic again.

Do you mediate every bit of your experience through the cold display of your iPhone? Do you film concerts, text during dates, and spend more time looking at your screen than into the eyes of the people you’re hanging out with?

Are you addicted to your iPhone?

NoPhone may have the solution for you. In what seems to be a rather tongue-in-cheek product page, NoPhone touts its thin, light, wireless design. Which makes sense for a smartphone-shaped hunk of plastic.

“Enjoy always having the ability to clutch a rectangle of smooth, cold plastic without forgoing any potential engagement with your direct environment,” says the site. “Never again experience the unsettling feeling of flesh on flesh when closing your hand.”

You can actually purchase a NoPhone in plain ($12) or selfie ($18) models, the latter of which come with a mirror affixed to the front of the “device.” Notice that you have to buy your NoPhone contract-free; there are no hidden costs.

Family plan, selfie edition.

Better yet, you can grab an entire Family Plan set of NoPhones for $45, which gives you five NoPhones, instruction manuals, and more attention to your real friends. NoPhone does not include:

  • Texting Your Ex-Boyfriend
  • Location Tracking
  • Browsing History
  • Data Overages
  • Dead Batteries
  • Phone

So, when you start to worry that you might be using your iPhone too much, leave it at home and take your NoPhone. You’re surely going to be the laughingstock an inspiration for all your friends.

Buy one for your significant other right now, and you’ll be like Eric Warner, who says the NoPhone saved his marriage.

“My wife bought me a NoPhone and I haven’t Instagramed my food in a week,” he wrote, in a totally not made up quote on the NoPhone website.

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